Bonds That Make Us Free: Healing Our Relationships, Coming to Ourselves by C. Terry Warner
My rating: 5 of 5 stars
This book has changed the way I view myself and the world around me.
Warner begins with the basic idea that people are constantly faced with choices, and when they choose to avoid the thing they feel they should, they enter a state called self deception in which they begin to immediately find evidence to justify their bad choice and then no longer see things as they really are. This state of self-deception is toxic and alters our own self understanding and poisons our relationships. About half way through the book Warner gets into how to get out of this awful state and essentially live a life of peace and truth.
My words really don't do justice to the book. I couldn't stop myself from writing down quote after quote (go check out some of them here on GoodReads!) and I plan on returning to them often. The ideas that stuck with me the most include:
- We influence others the most not when we try and change their hearts, but when we simply do the right and loving thing
- Ask myself "Am I in the wrong?" as a way to check where I am at
- Some triggers that I am being self deceived include feeling offense and acting as a "victim"
- "Honest self-understanding liberates us from our stuck emotions"
I highly recommend this book to anyone that cares about living a fulfilling life (everyone). It hits on truths that are hard to articulate but go extremely deep to our humanity. As mentioned before I plan on returning to this book frequently.
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I am a graduate student in Instructional Psychology and Technology at Brigham Young University. I enjoy writing, hiking, and spending time with my family.